I am not a grammar expert. I am a counselor in a small town, and I have watched a lot of couples sit on my couch with their hands in their laps. They show up for one reason, trust got thin. Porn and explicit content are usually part of that story.
People tell me it is private and harmless. I do not come in with shame. I listen. But I have seen the same pattern again and again. When a partner hides what they watch, the other partner starts to feel like they are not enough. It can be quiet at first. A smaller touch. Less eye contact. Less interest in real intimacy. Then the distance gets loud.
I remember a couple last fall. She said she felt invisible. He said it helped him relax. Both were hurting. He was embarrassed. She was scared. Their bedroom felt like a test they could not pass. We had to stop and name the truth. Secrets were doing the damage, not just the screens.
Porn can make real life feel slow and ordinary. It can turn curiosity into comparison. It can make a partner feel like they are a stand in. I say that with care, not judgment. I also know people can change. I have seen it. When couples get honest, the room gets warmer.
The first step is not a grand speech. It is a simple sentence. I have been hiding. I want to stop. I want to choose us. That is where repair begins. Some couples set gentle rules. Some use accountability tools. Some take a break from phones at night. Small habits can make a big difference.
If you are reading this and it hits home, please know you are not alone. I am engaged now, and I still have to practice honest conversation. I am not perfect. None of us are. But I have learned that love grows best where there is light.
I do not promise quick fixes. I do promise that truth and kindness make a path forward. You can rebuild trust. You can feel close again. Start with one brave talk, one small change, one honest day.